Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
