Yo dont text me then not text me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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