I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
