Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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