he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
