I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
