thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
