Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
