The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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