I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
