Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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