i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I FOUND THE LEGS
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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