It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
