I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
