Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
