I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
