i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
