Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
