It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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