WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
