If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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