is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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