We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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