Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
