i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
