ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
