There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
