I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
