I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just blew my weed a kiss
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
