omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
