You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
