i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
