Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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