I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
