so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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