she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
