We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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