I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
