at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Found your dick twin last night
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
