If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
