Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
