maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i will never coherently bang her
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
