I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
