It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
