After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
