Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
