I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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