I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
