Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
