Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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