I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
