So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
